DIchotomies: Poetry From Bipolar Disorder Read online

  Conflagration

  A hungry conflagration consuming all

  Fueled by rage unheedful of heart's call

  Seers the soul then scorches the mind

  A violent tempest all reason does unbind

  The flames without are birthed within

  A tortured soul all there has ever been

  Never to abide this worthless entity

  Loathsome despite destroys serenity

  Baseless indictments strewn around

  Unjustly berating each one that's found

  When truly self is the target execrated

  Apologies pointlessly too far belated

  Excoriation of others is forever unjust

  When hatred of self is the source of lust

  Shameful is the complete loss of control

  The desire is to shred one's own soul

  Cry Me No More Tears

  Cry me no more tears

  Tempt me no more laughs

  Kill off all the feelings

  Proclaim their epitaphs

  Still all of the chaos

  Nullify all the pain

  Deaden all the nerves

  Silence treacherous brain

  Onward with gritted teeth

  Steel walls to constrain

  Keep the secret hidden

  Never tell that I'm insane

  Dark The Fate

  Forward and back, round and round

  Existence is spinning all around

  Mind fractured, there and back

  Emotions bleeding under attack

  Soul withering from the assault

  Dark the fate that's been wrought

  Dawning

  Dawning

  Solar daybreak

  Golden raybursts rising

  Promise birthing anew aloft

  Rebirth

  Dialing It Up, Dialing It Down

  Dialing it up, dialing it down

  Dialing it all round and round

  Way beyond the farthest stars

  Ever onward, outward bound

  An empty vacuum, no air around

  To carry the piercing sound

  Of those torturous screams

  Dreams And Time

  It seems

  That dreams

  Go on

  And on

  Forever

  And ever

  While time

  sublime

  drags out

  no doubt

  slowing

  growing

  creeping

  sleeping

  so slow

  I know

  Echoes Of Silence

  The echoes of silence ring through the halls

  Reverberating back and forth from the walls

  At times the sound of silence is penetrating

  Intense decibels start eardrums disintegrating

  Intense waves of silence washing back and forth

  Screams of silence insuring turmoil henceforth

  A massive weight this killing lack of sound

  Bouncing between the ears round and round

  Until a bullet ventilates the top of the head

  Loosing the silence and then you are dead

  After the cessation of extreme violence

  At the end you are left with - silence

  End Of Days

  Time drags on and on forever

  Seconds become minutes and

  Minutes become hours become days

  When is the end of days?

  Eternal Bed

  Sinking, sinking into the night

  As proceeds the dying of the light

  Naught but I know where this trends

  Ever more certain of where it ends

  An icy cold grave calling me nigh

  Pushing up daisies towards the sky

  Agony reverberating inside my head

  Only ends buried in my eternal bed

  Eternity

  Everything is cold, damp and gray

  The oppressive dark a mere breath away

  Restraining, drowning, dragging down

  Viscously smothering every last sound

  Tendrils choking, gagging, gasping for air

  Dead eyes frozen in a thousand yard stare

  Nullity, empty, no pain, not a single tear

  The light, the dark all that's left to fear

  Death fills all, not a single life's spark

  Subsumed body and soul by the icy cold dark

  Nothing is here and there's nothing ahead

  Eternity is nothingness after you're dead

  Evil Little Whispers

  Evil little whispers between the ears

  Pushing, pushing, trying for tears

  Tiny nuggets all filled up with hate

  Insistent assertions of doom by fate

  Poison filled daggers cause such pain

  Bending, twisting, warping the brain

  Simple whispers so maliciously bent

  A cacophonous silence of evil intent

  Driving the mind beyond edge of madness

  Agonized screams fill it with gladness

  Keep pushing until the embrace of death

  When at last has ceased every last breath

  For Today I Will Experience Life

  Dark depression stay away

  Because today I want to play

  I don't need no tears a dripping

  Down my warm cheeks a slipping

  In darkened bed I'll not stay

  Because I want to live today

  The fires of hell shall not have me

  The light of life today I will see

  Though in the shadows the demon hides

  Today in my soul he never abides

  Though he may have me on the morrow

  Today he just will cause me no sorrow

  For today I will experience life

  And for now there'll be no strife

  Few Understand

  What can you do when all is moot?

  When in the end you can't give a hoot?

  Pointless it seems that all must be

  Cannot best the beast inside of me

  A most sly, cunning monster is he

  All eternity he has to torture me

  Patience of pure hatred is his power

  While alone in vile darkness I cower

  He knows me better then even do I

  The best of me he twists to make me cry

  Towards evil he turns all I hold dear

  As I cringe before him in abject fear

  Even the mercy of God he blots out

  No path round his walls can I scout

  His essence shear agony and fear

  Stronger he grows with each single tear

  Alone and isolated he keeps me caged

  While I've weakened each year that I've aged

  Few understand it's not death I seek

  I just can't go on, I've grown so weak

  Forever Memories

  Memories spin round and round

  Names of friends no longer found

  To whom I gifted a piece of my heart

  Gone but always of me they're a part

  Pursuing their life here or wherever

  I gave them my love, it is forever

  Freedom Ahead

  Freedom comes when all is lost

  The prize paid at great cost

  When nothing's left and no hope

  No more need to try to cope

  The chips lie where they fall

  Heed at last the beastly call

  Fewer and fewer every day

  Care at all that I go away

  With a whisper comes the end

  Never more to this world offend

  Heart Shredded By Razors Of Tears

  Heart shredded by razors of tears

  Rivers of dark crimson running down

  In jagged streaks of pain drowning

  Agonized screams of piercing sound

  The icy darkness a crushing wei
ght

  Despair torments the hopeless soul

  Satan dancing a victorious wild jig

  Sonorously mournful the bells all toll

  Inside a black hole devours the light

  Winter's death is now the only season

  Any breath of hope gone forever more

  Why suffer on when there is no reason?

  Friends

  The darkness is deep

  But you have no fear

  Because you know

  They will be here

  When you're drowning in pain

  And you're full of despair

  You won't be alone

  As long as they're there

  When you stumble and fall

  Just can't hold yourself up

  They will be there to hold you

  While you drink from this cup

  When you feel so lost

  And ever so alone

  They'll be there to tell you

  You've no need to atone

  Who are these people

  So wonderful and true

  That will never, ever

  Abandon you?

  They're the best in the world

  Right to it's ends

  These people who save you

  They are your friends

  Gentle Raindrops

  Gentle raindrops falling down

  Tears from heaven now abound

  Even God cries sometimes...

  Haiku - Rejection

  The deformed petal

  Rejected falls to the earth

  Eternally alone

  Haiku - Conflict

  Animal nature

  Resents higher ideals

  Who is the victor?

  Have You Ever?

  Have you ever needed to call out

  To the world 'Help me please'?

  Only to know that it's not

  something you do with ease

  Have you ever looked in the mirror

  And seen a stranger staring back?

  The face looks familiar

  But your soul the eyes do lack

  Have you ever longed to cry out

  To the world 'Do you care? '

  Ready to tell it all

  Your soul to lay bare

  Have you ever walked that line

  Between sane and totally insane?

  You stop and then you realize

  No one cares just the same

  Have you ever been to the edge,

  just to stand there and stare?

  Longing to take the plunge,

  Too scared to chance the dare

  Have you ever stood inside

  A world so full of light?

  yet inside you it's so dark

  You think you've lost your sight.

  Have you ever hated it all

  And longed for it to end?

  The only thing left to do

  Is for you to decide when?

  Have you ever walked that line

  Between sane and totally insane?

  You know it soon has to end

  To stop this awful pain

  Have you ever had that curtain

  Pulled back to show the light.

  Suddenly the shadow's in retreat

  And the world's revealed, so bright

  Have you ever stood there stunned

  By all the life that you surrounds.

  Filled with peace and joy,

  Love of life in you abounds

  Have you ever felt that pain

  you've lived with all your life

  take a leave of absence,

  to cause you no more strife

  Have you ever walked that line

  Between sane and totally insane?

  But now it's lost the power

  to cause you so much pain

  Have you ever watched the sun

  As it peeks out of clouds so dark.

  The halo that surrounds it

  Ignites life's mighty spark

  Have you ever felt such peace

  that to your eyes it brings tears,

  Filled with all the wonder

  Of vanquishing your fears

  Have you ever met an angel,

  Sent by God when you're in need

  To smash away the darkness,

  Victory is guaranteed

  Have you ever walked that line

  Between sane and totally insane?

  The angel strides before you,

  lights the way towards the sane

  Have you ever?

  Heaven Can Wait

  Heaven would be hell without you

  Songs of angels shaded in blue

  Eternal sunlight dimmed to gray

  Endless peace shredded in dismay

  When comes to pass my final date

  We go together or heaven can wait

  Human Family - Butterfly Cinquain

  Journey

  Beyond the me

  To union, let it be

  Brother, sister, future you see?

  The we

  Each of us a leaf on the tree

  Tied in real unity

  Now can you see?

  Family

  High Atop A Crumbling Peak

  High atop a crumbling peak

  Whipped by driven gales

  Eager to hurl me off

  Up above a gray, turbulent sky

  Writhes with the beat of madness

  Split asunder in violent cracks

  Jagged flashes rend tumultuous clouds

  Birthing ionized radicals

  And crushing sonic booms

  Pounding frozen hydrogen dioxide

  Predatory in it's focused intent

  Single mindedly bent upon destruction

  Hungry in it's need to smash me down

  On one side the one time haven

  A turbulent, throbbing, seething mass

  Inundates the defensive levees

  Smashing them with driven madness

  All succor lost to passing eons

  Now suppurates in twisted chaos

  The other side an abysmal pit

  Infinite immensity raging with hate

  A malevolent icy cold darkness

  Rife with turbulent hell fire

  A sea of conflagrant teeth

  Ravenously needful to burn and shred

  Heart, soul and mind to eradicate

  Precarious atop the vanishing peak

  The battered protective bubble stressed

  By the endless eons of savage assault

  Depleted beyond exhaustion's boundary

  Degraded by spider webbed fractures

  Still holds against unrelenting onslaught

  How much more can it's integrity take?

  How long can it continue to endure?

  At what point comes the final rupture?

  That presages the end of all that's me?

  Homeless Birds

  The little birds fly round and round

  Looking for a home that can't be found

  Chirping and twittering, so many sounds

  Looking for the joy that in life abounds

  It's here somewhere they know in their heart

  If only I could help them with that part

  Lost little birds without any home

  Doomed forever to just simply roam

  Lest help from someone they can find

  But to that hope they just cannot bind

  Still hope they have never given up

  'tis why they fly down then they fly up

  For somewhere there must be a place they belong

  So they will keep circling for ever, so long

  Their song rings out and calls to my ears

  They battle onward despite all their fears

  I pledge them my life if I can only but help

  More promise I've made then since I was a whelp

  For their flight is my own, I've flown it before

  When I thought that all hope had flown out th
e door

  Hope

  Hope is a wondrous magical thing

  Take it away and with it goes everything

  All light, all happiness, all peace

  It all goes away

  But preserve it and you preserve everything

  You can withstand anything,

  Stand up to the worst that life throws at you

  Hold on when everything goes against you

  You can withstand the pain of loss

  And the hell of love lost

  The worst the enemy can throw

  Is but a pittance to the power of hope

  It's an amazing creature

  It survives when all else is lost

  It needs but a single spark

  to preserve your life and sanity

  It needs so little to survive

  A mere possibility is all it requires

  It doesn't need to be fed

  It survives on it's own

  You can tell it to end

  but until every possibility

  is exhausted

  It will never die

  It never gives up,